Friday, October 5, 2012
Rob(i)nson: Coming Clean...
I found this post to be a blessing to me.... I hope it is to my women friends as well!!
Rob(i)nson: Coming Clean...: It's time. I'm coming clean. Eight months ago I felt a cool fog creeping its way up to the ankles of my life, my thoughts, and into my hear...
Who inspires you to greatness?
This year was supposed to be one of the best for me and my husband. After we had married on December 23 last year we toasted to our future and looked forward to a year of new beginnings and a happier, more meaningful life than either of us had been living up until then.
Unfortunately our endeavor was tesedt right into the new year when we received the news that Pat's(my husband) brother Phil had been diagnosed with a rather dismal form of Cancer. Now, that's not to say every form of cancer isn't dismal - I know it is, what I mean is that this particular cancer doesn't hold great statistics for its victims.
During this same time, that we were waiting on the details of the cancer and treatment options, things at work for Pat started to spiral down hill at an alarming rate and we weren't even sure why, really. We were blindsided.
So, yeah, things were looking a bit grim all around and the whole idea of having the best years yet seemed to be some sort of cosmic joke. I thought to myself - I really need to stop saying crape like this out loud. It really does seem to push some kind of Ironic button out there in the Universe that causes this alarm to go off. It is like - they cant walk around so confident and secure in their lives - and heck- they even had the audacity to claim future happiness and goodness! Better nip that in the bit right way!
That isn't to say that Phil's cancer had anything to do with us - other than the fact that we couldn't do a damn thing about it. And we are even so far away we can't even be a help by just being there physically most of the time.
This post isn't supposed to be about cosmic irony though, I really do have a point here. I just thought some interesting background would help.
No this post is about people who inspire us and why?
Phil is a police officer, father of 4 and a husband to a wonderful wife. Along with over 20 years on the force he and his whole family are extremely active in their community - boy scouts, church events, school fundraisers, community clean ups - you get the idea. There is rarely a weekend where this family is just relaxing at home.
As you can well imagine getting sick and having to treat cancer - very aggressively - has many down sides and takes a toll in so many areas of a person's life. Not the least of which is physical strength and energy, mental endurance and finances. Treatment costs a lot all around. Not that you ever hear the family say much about that. They all just keep on living life with the intention of fighting this illness with all they can for as ling as possible. These wonderful people never stop giving back to the community, Phil hasn't stopped stopped working. They just keep moving forward.
But they aren't alone in their fight. This summer several law enforcement organizations put together a fundraiser for Phil and his family. The turn out was amazing! I was literally getting chills at the amount of people that were there and willing to help Phil out.
It made me start to think......
What is it in a man that brings together so much love, care and support? In the past 20 years plus, Phil has created so many relationships, friendships and bonds because of who he is on the inside. He has seen the needs in his community - whether on the job or personally and steps up to meet those needs. The really awesome thing is that all of the people around him get to witness this and are inspired by it.
For me, personally, Phil has given me acceptance and love. He welcomed me into his family unconditionally - and that included my 5 crazy kids as well. He always makes me feel as though I am important and I know that he would do anything for me and Pat.
For Pat, Phil is his little brother, by 17 or so months. But I can tell Phil is Pat's hero and has been for a long time now - even before this life's challenge that he began to go through at the beginning of the year. Pat, has watched Phil grow as a man and make choices to take care of his family in ways that other men might not have. He has seen Phil fight for his oldest son who has his own challenges in life and watch as Phil became a mentor to many young men thorough Boy Scouts.
I think that Pat will always strive to be the type of example Phil has been to so many people. (Little does Pat know that he IS being that example and more to me and my children as well as all the others lives he touches.)
If anyone would look into the window of Phil's life they would see a family that loves and adores him and a strength that bonds them all that can only come from our Savior. Heidi, Phil's wife, shows so much strength and courage that as a woman I can not help but want to be more like her, especially in hard times. She is so willing to give all she has to her family and those in need, you can really see why God has put these two together. She goes to Phil's every appointment and keeps all of us that care about them up to date on everything that is going on in Phil's treatment. I don't think she ever stops moving!
The last person I need to give accolades to is the mother of these 2 men (and to Katrin - my beautiful sister-in Law) I love, Charlie. I know that she has seen a lot in her life. She has seen Phil and Heidi give birth to a son with special needs and handle it with only the grace and strength that God can give. She has seen Pat go through his own personal struggles and become a better man for them.
Then she welcomed me into her family - this wonderful family that God gave her and she has done so well at raising and teaching the right way to live life. She has allowed me to be a part of them and I know it wasn't easy having seen Pat hurt in the not so distant past.
Charlie always includes my children as her own grandchildren and I see the pride when she says she has 14 (I think that's the number) grand kids and refuses to get text messaging on her phone because she knows they would drive her nuts with messages every day!! Ha! She is not wrong either!! I see how much she is loved!
But more importantly this is a strong mom who was single for a better part of raising her children and now she has to sit back and watch her middle son fight the biggest battle of his life.
Charlie handles all of it with such grace and courage. She is practical and honest and tries to make choices that will benefit every one. She is the one who taught all three of her kids how to give of themselves and not seek anything in return. She has been a great example and hero to all three of them. More than she can ever know. And because I have do not have a mother she has filled this role for me as well - unconditionally loving me and accepting me and mine. And I will always love her for this.
So, the people that inspire me are so many but this year - at this season of my life and in these moments of fear and uncertainty I give kudos to my new family. Phil especially but definitely not exclusively.
I pray that in my times of trials I can be the kind of person that will make all of you proud to call me daughter, sister, aunt, and wife.
I love you all!!
Caroline
Phil and several good friends of mine!!
Bob and Heidi!!
Charlie!!
Unfortunately our endeavor was tesedt right into the new year when we received the news that Pat's(my husband) brother Phil had been diagnosed with a rather dismal form of Cancer. Now, that's not to say every form of cancer isn't dismal - I know it is, what I mean is that this particular cancer doesn't hold great statistics for its victims.
During this same time, that we were waiting on the details of the cancer and treatment options, things at work for Pat started to spiral down hill at an alarming rate and we weren't even sure why, really. We were blindsided.
So, yeah, things were looking a bit grim all around and the whole idea of having the best years yet seemed to be some sort of cosmic joke. I thought to myself - I really need to stop saying crape like this out loud. It really does seem to push some kind of Ironic button out there in the Universe that causes this alarm to go off. It is like - they cant walk around so confident and secure in their lives - and heck- they even had the audacity to claim future happiness and goodness! Better nip that in the bit right way!
That isn't to say that Phil's cancer had anything to do with us - other than the fact that we couldn't do a damn thing about it. And we are even so far away we can't even be a help by just being there physically most of the time.
This post isn't supposed to be about cosmic irony though, I really do have a point here. I just thought some interesting background would help.
No this post is about people who inspire us and why?
Phil is a police officer, father of 4 and a husband to a wonderful wife. Along with over 20 years on the force he and his whole family are extremely active in their community - boy scouts, church events, school fundraisers, community clean ups - you get the idea. There is rarely a weekend where this family is just relaxing at home.
As you can well imagine getting sick and having to treat cancer - very aggressively - has many down sides and takes a toll in so many areas of a person's life. Not the least of which is physical strength and energy, mental endurance and finances. Treatment costs a lot all around. Not that you ever hear the family say much about that. They all just keep on living life with the intention of fighting this illness with all they can for as ling as possible. These wonderful people never stop giving back to the community, Phil hasn't stopped stopped working. They just keep moving forward.
But they aren't alone in their fight. This summer several law enforcement organizations put together a fundraiser for Phil and his family. The turn out was amazing! I was literally getting chills at the amount of people that were there and willing to help Phil out.
It made me start to think......
What is it in a man that brings together so much love, care and support? In the past 20 years plus, Phil has created so many relationships, friendships and bonds because of who he is on the inside. He has seen the needs in his community - whether on the job or personally and steps up to meet those needs. The really awesome thing is that all of the people around him get to witness this and are inspired by it.
For me, personally, Phil has given me acceptance and love. He welcomed me into his family unconditionally - and that included my 5 crazy kids as well. He always makes me feel as though I am important and I know that he would do anything for me and Pat.
For Pat, Phil is his little brother, by 17 or so months. But I can tell Phil is Pat's hero and has been for a long time now - even before this life's challenge that he began to go through at the beginning of the year. Pat, has watched Phil grow as a man and make choices to take care of his family in ways that other men might not have. He has seen Phil fight for his oldest son who has his own challenges in life and watch as Phil became a mentor to many young men thorough Boy Scouts.
I think that Pat will always strive to be the type of example Phil has been to so many people. (Little does Pat know that he IS being that example and more to me and my children as well as all the others lives he touches.)
If anyone would look into the window of Phil's life they would see a family that loves and adores him and a strength that bonds them all that can only come from our Savior. Heidi, Phil's wife, shows so much strength and courage that as a woman I can not help but want to be more like her, especially in hard times. She is so willing to give all she has to her family and those in need, you can really see why God has put these two together. She goes to Phil's every appointment and keeps all of us that care about them up to date on everything that is going on in Phil's treatment. I don't think she ever stops moving!
The last person I need to give accolades to is the mother of these 2 men (and to Katrin - my beautiful sister-in Law) I love, Charlie. I know that she has seen a lot in her life. She has seen Phil and Heidi give birth to a son with special needs and handle it with only the grace and strength that God can give. She has seen Pat go through his own personal struggles and become a better man for them.
Then she welcomed me into her family - this wonderful family that God gave her and she has done so well at raising and teaching the right way to live life. She has allowed me to be a part of them and I know it wasn't easy having seen Pat hurt in the not so distant past.
Charlie always includes my children as her own grandchildren and I see the pride when she says she has 14 (I think that's the number) grand kids and refuses to get text messaging on her phone because she knows they would drive her nuts with messages every day!! Ha! She is not wrong either!! I see how much she is loved!
But more importantly this is a strong mom who was single for a better part of raising her children and now she has to sit back and watch her middle son fight the biggest battle of his life.
Charlie handles all of it with such grace and courage. She is practical and honest and tries to make choices that will benefit every one. She is the one who taught all three of her kids how to give of themselves and not seek anything in return. She has been a great example and hero to all three of them. More than she can ever know. And because I have do not have a mother she has filled this role for me as well - unconditionally loving me and accepting me and mine. And I will always love her for this.
So, the people that inspire me are so many but this year - at this season of my life and in these moments of fear and uncertainty I give kudos to my new family. Phil especially but definitely not exclusively.
I pray that in my times of trials I can be the kind of person that will make all of you proud to call me daughter, sister, aunt, and wife.
I love you all!!
Caroline
Phil and several good friends of mine!!
Bob and Heidi!!
Charlie!!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
About me - Everything you never wanted to know!!
Well, I am going to pretty much just stick to recent events in my life. I chose to "begin again" a little over a year ago and vowed that the second half of my life would be better than my first. Not that my first 39 years were ALL bad. I was married for almost 18 years and had 5 beautiful children ranging from 18 to 7 years old. The oldest is a girl - Belle (we just sent her off to New York for College) - the rest are crazy crazy boys.
I am originally from Cleveland Ohio and have a BA in Biology, I worked as a Laboratory Technician for almost 10 years before I was laid off last November. When I originally went back to school I already had 3 kids and really wanted to be premed. I traveled an hour each way in Northeast Ohio - snow and sun - with 3 small children. By my senior year I had my 4th kid. So when I look at my gpa from those days, a 2.87 - I consider it a 4.0. It is all relative - I was being "Super Mom" as one of my good friends would tell me. I am not so sure about that but I just felt called to medicine.
I am giving that small bit of background information so you will see the relevance of some of the choices I am making right now. But I will get to those a bit later. Because I want to talk about the last year of my life. Just a bit.... I admit, this has been my favorite year by far. I admit to ending my marriage - for reasons that will remain personal - and this part was not a favorite. Considering it hurts everyone near and dear to you - there is a lot of collateral damage when something like this is done. Add to that living with about 4 months on just complete mental/moral insanity - this was not a great time for those close to me. I will spend a long time repairing what hurts I have caused. However, in the end, which I will never believe justifies the means by any stretch of the imagination - especially when it hurts innocent people - but in the end I found forgiveness, grace, and peace.
About a year ago now I began seeing a man that I worked with for something like 9 years, we were always friends but never anything more. Once in awhile we had these emails that were silly and flirty - but innocent flirty nothing naughty - just very silly. Anyway, we began seeing each other and at first I didn't think it was something I wanted. But contrary to his nature he pursued me - not in a scary way - he just decided that he was going to be there for me and not let me deal with life alone. He says that God told him, driving down the "hill" to work one day that he was supposed to marry me. He didn't tell me this until after he proposed of course. Well, as a few weeks went by something happened in me and no matter what damage I had from the past and fears I was still facing - I fell hard and fast in love with this amazing man who cared for me and kids like I never thought possible. There is not a person I know that has met him that doesn't like him. He actually seems almost too good to be true. Cliche, I know - but really true. Ask my daughter, she, at that time, was angry with me still and wanted to hate anyone I was involved with, but not Pat. My 12 year old who is on the Autism spectrum was also very comfortable with him from day one - our first date at the dog park!! So, I saw these as good signs that there must be something very special about him.
Pat wooed me with beautiful yellow roses and 3 stuffed animal puppies as one of my first gifts from him. He always dropped anything to come help me with or through something.
In a very short time I found myself relying on him - and if you would have known me before you would know how that is not the kind of girl I am. I am very self sufficient and "in control" of everything. But the more Pat was there to help with challenges the more I realized that I didn't have to do life alone. That I could laugh more, smile more, and trust more. A life working together, with someone, is a life that can meet challenges without crumbling or growing weary because you carry the load all on your own shoulders. He was becoming my partner. Ah, but he was/is so much more. He is the love of my life, truly. I didn't know that true love felt this way - to get the butterflies when he smiles at me or kisses me. To know that he wants to come home to me every night. To know that the only place I feel truly at home is in his arms. I see a whole bright future ahead - with us together - walking hand in hand. Supporting one another and loving each other through the good and the hard times.
Moving forward, I was laid off in early November and basically we realized that neither of us wanted to be apart from the other so we got married on Dec. 23, 2011. In Pat's home - with his family and my closest friends. One of the most beautiful days of my life. Being able to pledge my all to him with no hesitation in my heart or fear about the choice I was making. I can't explain it - we both knew that it was right and we were good together. Ok,I will stop with the mushy stuff. Well 9 months into the marriage and we still feel the same - crazy in love - living through challenges - stressing out - talking about everything - and praying in the end and leaving everything we can not do a thing about in the hands of the Lord. I will say this now for those of you who are appalled at a Christian getting divorced and remarried and all that stuff : I am in no way saying that divorce is good or that God condoned what I did - and especially how I did it. I will also say that before you start judging people - you really need to walk a mile or two in their own shoes. In the end I had to answer for my choices to the Lord - good and Bad. He always welcomes His children back with open arms of forgiveness and grace. But He doesn't spare us the consequences.
Do I understand why God blessed me so quickly with such an awesome man? I admit I don't, nor do I feel I did one thing to deserve the happiness that I feel every day I am with him. I do think that part of it was probably to protect me from making any more stupid decisions - and in connection protect my kids as well. Just remember friends, grace is not earned - it is a gift.
So, the present.... I am still unemployed but have found myself thinking of medical school more and more. I have a long way to go to be able to get in but my husband really wants me to try. He thinks that now is a good time since I don't have a job and it will take a lot of studying and prepping for tests and retaking a few classes.
Consequently, I am scared to death but I have chosen to revisit an old dream that I buried deep in my heart many years ago and see if I can do it. The only thing I have to fear is failure - and in life if you learn something every time you fail - than you haven't really failed at all, have you?
Hope this wasn't too much info for anyone - but that is me - I kind of lay it all out there and if you like me - you like me - and if you don't - well - I can't do much about it. I just have to be real!! Be Blessed this day!!
Our wedding day!! Well Evening!!
I am originally from Cleveland Ohio and have a BA in Biology, I worked as a Laboratory Technician for almost 10 years before I was laid off last November. When I originally went back to school I already had 3 kids and really wanted to be premed. I traveled an hour each way in Northeast Ohio - snow and sun - with 3 small children. By my senior year I had my 4th kid. So when I look at my gpa from those days, a 2.87 - I consider it a 4.0. It is all relative - I was being "Super Mom" as one of my good friends would tell me. I am not so sure about that but I just felt called to medicine.
I am giving that small bit of background information so you will see the relevance of some of the choices I am making right now. But I will get to those a bit later. Because I want to talk about the last year of my life. Just a bit.... I admit, this has been my favorite year by far. I admit to ending my marriage - for reasons that will remain personal - and this part was not a favorite. Considering it hurts everyone near and dear to you - there is a lot of collateral damage when something like this is done. Add to that living with about 4 months on just complete mental/moral insanity - this was not a great time for those close to me. I will spend a long time repairing what hurts I have caused. However, in the end, which I will never believe justifies the means by any stretch of the imagination - especially when it hurts innocent people - but in the end I found forgiveness, grace, and peace.
About a year ago now I began seeing a man that I worked with for something like 9 years, we were always friends but never anything more. Once in awhile we had these emails that were silly and flirty - but innocent flirty nothing naughty - just very silly. Anyway, we began seeing each other and at first I didn't think it was something I wanted. But contrary to his nature he pursued me - not in a scary way - he just decided that he was going to be there for me and not let me deal with life alone. He says that God told him, driving down the "hill" to work one day that he was supposed to marry me. He didn't tell me this until after he proposed of course. Well, as a few weeks went by something happened in me and no matter what damage I had from the past and fears I was still facing - I fell hard and fast in love with this amazing man who cared for me and kids like I never thought possible. There is not a person I know that has met him that doesn't like him. He actually seems almost too good to be true. Cliche, I know - but really true. Ask my daughter, she, at that time, was angry with me still and wanted to hate anyone I was involved with, but not Pat. My 12 year old who is on the Autism spectrum was also very comfortable with him from day one - our first date at the dog park!! So, I saw these as good signs that there must be something very special about him.
Pat wooed me with beautiful yellow roses and 3 stuffed animal puppies as one of my first gifts from him. He always dropped anything to come help me with or through something.
In a very short time I found myself relying on him - and if you would have known me before you would know how that is not the kind of girl I am. I am very self sufficient and "in control" of everything. But the more Pat was there to help with challenges the more I realized that I didn't have to do life alone. That I could laugh more, smile more, and trust more. A life working together, with someone, is a life that can meet challenges without crumbling or growing weary because you carry the load all on your own shoulders. He was becoming my partner. Ah, but he was/is so much more. He is the love of my life, truly. I didn't know that true love felt this way - to get the butterflies when he smiles at me or kisses me. To know that he wants to come home to me every night. To know that the only place I feel truly at home is in his arms. I see a whole bright future ahead - with us together - walking hand in hand. Supporting one another and loving each other through the good and the hard times.
Moving forward, I was laid off in early November and basically we realized that neither of us wanted to be apart from the other so we got married on Dec. 23, 2011. In Pat's home - with his family and my closest friends. One of the most beautiful days of my life. Being able to pledge my all to him with no hesitation in my heart or fear about the choice I was making. I can't explain it - we both knew that it was right and we were good together. Ok,I will stop with the mushy stuff. Well 9 months into the marriage and we still feel the same - crazy in love - living through challenges - stressing out - talking about everything - and praying in the end and leaving everything we can not do a thing about in the hands of the Lord. I will say this now for those of you who are appalled at a Christian getting divorced and remarried and all that stuff : I am in no way saying that divorce is good or that God condoned what I did - and especially how I did it. I will also say that before you start judging people - you really need to walk a mile or two in their own shoes. In the end I had to answer for my choices to the Lord - good and Bad. He always welcomes His children back with open arms of forgiveness and grace. But He doesn't spare us the consequences.
Do I understand why God blessed me so quickly with such an awesome man? I admit I don't, nor do I feel I did one thing to deserve the happiness that I feel every day I am with him. I do think that part of it was probably to protect me from making any more stupid decisions - and in connection protect my kids as well. Just remember friends, grace is not earned - it is a gift.
So, the present.... I am still unemployed but have found myself thinking of medical school more and more. I have a long way to go to be able to get in but my husband really wants me to try. He thinks that now is a good time since I don't have a job and it will take a lot of studying and prepping for tests and retaking a few classes.
Consequently, I am scared to death but I have chosen to revisit an old dream that I buried deep in my heart many years ago and see if I can do it. The only thing I have to fear is failure - and in life if you learn something every time you fail - than you haven't really failed at all, have you?
Hope this wasn't too much info for anyone - but that is me - I kind of lay it all out there and if you like me - you like me - and if you don't - well - I can't do much about it. I just have to be real!! Be Blessed this day!!
Our wedding day!! Well Evening!!
Friday, August 10, 2012
This is my first blog - so this is a test
I have wondered for awhile why people set up and write blogs. I mean, I know we all have something to say to the world or something to share - but I always felt kind of egotistical thinking that anyone would really care about my thoughts or ideas. But I guess I am going to give in to my ego a bit and let some creativity out, not that I feel I am all that creative when it comes to writing or anything else for that matter, except possibly getting myself into trouble. Just ask my friends.
I don't really have a subject or purpose for my blog - at least not yet - so I can't promise anything interesting will come out of it but you never know, maybe someone out there will see a little of themselves in these words and find comfort that they are not alone. Or maybe I will have a bright idea - or steal a bright idea from someone else - and you can then steal that idea from me.... :) Of course I will always try to give credit when I can.
I think my next entry will be a little about me. I am going to go and try to customize this blog thingy and make it look a bit more like my personality!! So -
Thanks for reading - talk to you soon!
Caroline
I don't really have a subject or purpose for my blog - at least not yet - so I can't promise anything interesting will come out of it but you never know, maybe someone out there will see a little of themselves in these words and find comfort that they are not alone. Or maybe I will have a bright idea - or steal a bright idea from someone else - and you can then steal that idea from me.... :) Of course I will always try to give credit when I can.
I think my next entry will be a little about me. I am going to go and try to customize this blog thingy and make it look a bit more like my personality!! So -
Thanks for reading - talk to you soon!
Caroline
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