I am originally from Cleveland Ohio and have a BA in Biology, I worked as a Laboratory Technician for almost 10 years before I was laid off last November. When I originally went back to school I already had 3 kids and really wanted to be premed. I traveled an hour each way in Northeast Ohio - snow and sun - with 3 small children. By my senior year I had my 4th kid. So when I look at my gpa from those days, a 2.87 - I consider it a 4.0. It is all relative - I was being "Super Mom" as one of my good friends would tell me. I am not so sure about that but I just felt called to medicine.
I am giving that small bit of background information so you will see the relevance of some of the choices I am making right now. But I will get to those a bit later. Because I want to talk about the last year of my life. Just a bit.... I admit, this has been my favorite year by far. I admit to ending my marriage - for reasons that will remain personal - and this part was not a favorite. Considering it hurts everyone near and dear to you - there is a lot of collateral damage when something like this is done. Add to that living with about 4 months on just complete mental/moral insanity - this was not a great time for those close to me. I will spend a long time repairing what hurts I have caused. However, in the end, which I will never believe justifies the means by any stretch of the imagination - especially when it hurts innocent people - but in the end I found forgiveness, grace, and peace.
About a year ago now I began seeing a man that I worked with for something like 9 years, we were always friends but never anything more. Once in awhile we had these emails that were silly and flirty - but innocent flirty nothing naughty - just very silly. Anyway, we began seeing each other and at first I didn't think it was something I wanted. But contrary to his nature he pursued me - not in a scary way - he just decided that he was going to be there for me and not let me deal with life alone. He says that God told him, driving down the "hill" to work one day that he was supposed to marry me. He didn't tell me this until after he proposed of course. Well, as a few weeks went by something happened in me and no matter what damage I had from the past and fears I was still facing - I fell hard and fast in love with this amazing man who cared for me and kids like I never thought possible. There is not a person I know that has met him that doesn't like him. He actually seems almost too good to be true. Cliche, I know - but really true. Ask my daughter, she, at that time, was angry with me still and wanted to hate anyone I was involved with, but not Pat. My 12 year old who is on the Autism spectrum was also very comfortable with him from day one - our first date at the dog park!! So, I saw these as good signs that there must be something very special about him.
Pat wooed me with beautiful yellow roses and 3 stuffed animal puppies as one of my first gifts from him. He always dropped anything to come help me with or through something.
In a very short time I found myself relying on him - and if you would have known me before you would know how that is not the kind of girl I am. I am very self sufficient and "in control" of everything. But the more Pat was there to help with challenges the more I realized that I didn't have to do life alone. That I could laugh more, smile more, and trust more. A life working together, with someone, is a life that can meet challenges without crumbling or growing weary because you carry the load all on your own shoulders. He was becoming my partner. Ah, but he was/is so much more. He is the love of my life, truly. I didn't know that true love felt this way - to get the butterflies when he smiles at me or kisses me. To know that he wants to come home to me every night. To know that the only place I feel truly at home is in his arms. I see a whole bright future ahead - with us together - walking hand in hand. Supporting one another and loving each other through the good and the hard times.
Moving forward, I was laid off in early November and basically we realized that neither of us wanted to be apart from the other so we got married on Dec. 23, 2011. In Pat's home - with his family and my closest friends. One of the most beautiful days of my life. Being able to pledge my all to him with no hesitation in my heart or fear about the choice I was making. I can't explain it - we both knew that it was right and we were good together. Ok,I will stop with the mushy stuff. Well 9 months into the marriage and we still feel the same - crazy in love - living through challenges - stressing out - talking about everything - and praying in the end and leaving everything we can not do a thing about in the hands of the Lord. I will say this now for those of you who are appalled at a Christian getting divorced and remarried and all that stuff : I am in no way saying that divorce is good or that God condoned what I did - and especially how I did it. I will also say that before you start judging people - you really need to walk a mile or two in their own shoes. In the end I had to answer for my choices to the Lord - good and Bad. He always welcomes His children back with open arms of forgiveness and grace. But He doesn't spare us the consequences.
Do I understand why God blessed me so quickly with such an awesome man? I admit I don't, nor do I feel I did one thing to deserve the happiness that I feel every day I am with him. I do think that part of it was probably to protect me from making any more stupid decisions - and in connection protect my kids as well. Just remember friends, grace is not earned - it is a gift.
So, the present.... I am still unemployed but have found myself thinking of medical school more and more. I have a long way to go to be able to get in but my husband really wants me to try. He thinks that now is a good time since I don't have a job and it will take a lot of studying and prepping for tests and retaking a few classes.
Consequently, I am scared to death but I have chosen to revisit an old dream that I buried deep in my heart many years ago and see if I can do it. The only thing I have to fear is failure - and in life if you learn something every time you fail - than you haven't really failed at all, have you?
Hope this wasn't too much info for anyone - but that is me - I kind of lay it all out there and if you like me - you like me - and if you don't - well - I can't do much about it. I just have to be real!! Be Blessed this day!!
Our wedding day!! Well Evening!!
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